


The World Spins On an Axis

by queerbatnana



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Fluff, Getting Together, Kissing, Pining, Polyamory, Seijou 4 Week, Training Camp, Zoo trip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 19:05:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7544344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerbatnana/pseuds/queerbatnana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are things that Matsukawa knows that are certain in the world, and it’s that the world spins on an axis and that he’ll never have a chance with his crushes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> woooo I'm doing Seijou 4 Week!!!
> 
> also can't believe I'm finally MatsuHanaIwaOi dam son haha 
> 
> so this is gonna be one big story with all the prompts included! woo (I've always wanted to do this haha)
> 
> enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> **Tags will be updated as the story progresses. :D**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 1: first meeting // first date

There are things that Matsukawa knows that are certain in the world, and it’s that the world spins on an axis and that he’ll never have a chance with his crushes. 

 

Mainly because there’s more than one. At the same time. Specifically his best friends. His painfully attractive best friends that for some reason, decided to accept his friendship. 

 

Matsukawa Issei is doomed. 

 

*******

 

First year Matsukawa Issei walks into his new school, Aoba Johsai, with a clean uniform and a messenger bag with the strap slung across his chest. He finds his homeroom easily and quickly, choosing a seat next to the window in one of the middle rows. 

 

The class is fairly empty, as Matsukawa went early. From his seat, he can see the school entrance gate and students milling around by themselves or in small groups. 

 

Matsukawa’s eyelids are starting to droop lower from observing the interactions between students when suddenly a pair catches his eyes. 

 

Or, well, the swarms of girls around the pair is what catches his eyes. 

 

Matsukawa cocks an eyebrow when he sees one of the pair, a boy with wavy chestnut hair grinning at the gaggle of girls and making pleasant small talk. Matsukawa can’t see from his distance, but he’s sure that there are dimples in the boy’s cheeks and tiny crinkles around his eyes. 

 

The other half of the pair, a boy with questionable spiky hair, hangs at the edge of the crowd. Matsukawa wonders how he feels about his friend’s popularity. 

 

He gets his answer in no less than 3 minutes. 

 

Matsukawa’s jaw drops when the brown-haired boy starts to sign autographs. How famous is this guy? However, his friend suddenly grabs hold the back of his friend’s collar and starts pulling him away. 

 

Even from his spot on the second floor, Matsukawa can hear the gruff sound of “We’re going to be late if you keep dilly-dallying!” 

 

Matsukawa doesn’t think that he has ever heard someone say “dilly-dallying” in his life. Much less a person around his age. 

 

The crowd disperses, but Matsukawa barely notices the girls giggling to each other and going each their separate ways. Instead, he’s focused on the way the brown-haired boy is whining at his friend and the way his friend is probably grumbling ineffective threats.

 

 

Matsukawa wonders how it would feel to have a friendship like that. 

 

*******

 

One of the few things that Matsukawa enjoys is volleyball. He had managed to play one of the starting positions in middle school and he hopes that he’ll be able to have just as much fun as he did in high school. The fact that he was tall for his age may or may not have helped that fact. 

 

When Aoba Johsai’s volleyball club finally starts, Matsukawa quickly grabs an application and fills it out, all ready to hand in the next day. 

 

The next day, when he lines up with the other first years, he notices that there are two other first years besides him, the same pair of boys he had seen the previous day. Matsukawa doesn’t know how he should feel about that fact, but it’s certainly not something he expected.

 

It seems that the previous day’s interaction is the norm for the pair, seeing how the chestnut-haired boy is whining at his friend again. 

 

Suddenly, the whining boy sees Matsukawa. Matsukawa is struck by the sudden urge to make himself more presentable instead of his slouchy shoulders and lazy expression. The boy’s too attractive for his own good. Matsukawa is starting to see why he was mobbed by admirers yesterday.

 

“You’re another first year, right?” the boy asks. He stops in front of Matsukawa with a curious expression. “Oikawa Tooru,” he says, gesturing towards himself, “what’s your name?”

 

Matsukawa is taken back by the eager words and it leaves him frozen in slight shock.

 

“Oi,” a new voice comes from behind Oikawa. “Don’t bother him.” 

 

Matsukawa looks over Oikawa’s shoulder and isn’t surprised to see Oikawa’s friend, Mr. Grumpy Pants, Matsukawa has dubbed him. Mr. Grumpy Pants ironically has a friendlier face than his friend’s; his expression more welcoming than analytical. 

 

Mr. Grumpy Pants shoves Oikawa aside, ignoring Oikawa’s cries of protests. He smirks and sticks out a hand. “I’m Iwaizumi Hajime, also a first year.”

 

Iwaizumi’s smirk breaks Matsukawa out of his shock and he responds back with his own smirk. “Matsukawa Issei,” he says, shaking Iwaizumi’s hand. Iwaizumi’s hand is calloused and warm, Matsukawa can’t help but notice. 

 

Iwaizumi smiles and they- the three of them- start to engage in a friendly conversation about volleyball and their idols. Matsukawa’s about to ask Oikawa and Iwaizumi what position they play, but before he could, the captain claps his hands to grab the attention of all the players.

 

“Alright,” he says and there’s a boy who’s standing beside him, looking a bit sheepish. “We have another first year.”

 

“I’m Hanamaki Takahiro,” the boy says. “Sorry I’m late.”

 

The captain claps him on the back and reassures him that it's alright, the boy nodding as relief fills his face. 

 

Matsukawa can not take his eyes off Hanamaki. He has a scrunchy nose and pink hair and Matsukawa’s not sure why that (the hair, not the nose) interests him so much. But it does. 

 

He makes his way to Hanamaki, vaguely hearing Oikawa and Iwaizumi call after him. But he’s already in front of Hanamaki and Hanamaki is raising a thin eyebrow at him. 

 

“Can I help you?” Hanamaki asks, clearly perplexed why this tall gangly fifteen-year-old boy is in front of him. 

 

Matsukawa’s about to introduce himself, maybe ask to be friends, maybe invite him to his miraculous five minutes of friendship with Oikawa and Iwaizumi, but the words that come out of his mouth are none of that. In fact, they may be the reason for Matsukawa’s death. 

 

“Your eyebrows are pink.”

 

Silence.

 

Only except the gym around them is still filled with noises of conversations and a slightly audible “Alright, the gym is closing in 5, we start practice tomorrow” and the sound of Matsukawa’s blood rushing in his ears as his thoughts scream at him. 

 

It’s the second day of Matsukawa’s high school life and he is so ready to dig a hole into the ground and die. 

 

While all these wants are swarming his thoughts, Matsukawa sees Hanamaki laugh then quickly cover his mouth. 

 

“Pffttt… you’re the one who’s talking, Mister Caterpillar Eyebrows.”

 

Unable to help himself, Matsukawa frowns and touches one of his eyebrows. They _are_ bushy and well, Hanamaki’s not wrong. 

 

“Well, yours are pretty much non-existent,” Matsukawa argues back.

 

Hanamaki somehow manages to stroke his own eyebrows in an exaggerated and fancy way. “Ah, but they are very pretty so it’s okay.”

 

Matsukawa puffs out small breaths of air, just barely able to stop himself from laughing too much. But Hanamaki picks up on the movement and grins, pleased with the results. 

 

Matsukawa finds himself enjoying more and more of Hanamaki’s antics and just as he’s about to make another remark about Hanamaki’s eyebrows and a lighter, he feels a weight jump onto his shoulder. 

 

“Mattsun!” Oikawa exclaims. 

 

“Mattsun?” Hanamaki mouths to Matsukawa. Matsukawa can only shrug. 

 

“It’s Matsukawa Issei,” he finally introduces himself, then in a lower and teasing voice, “I don’t know him, don’t associate me with him.” 

 

“Mattsun!” Oikawa cries, clearly scandalized. Then he catches sight of Hanamaki. 

 

“Oh! Hanamaki, right? I’m Oikawa Tooru!” Oikawa peers around Matsukawa’s head, still hanging onto his shoulders. 

 

“Oi!” Matsukawa yelps, buckling at the knees from Oikawa’s movement. 

 

“Mattsun! Don’t move!” Oikawa yells back, jostling around even more. 

 

“Ack!” Matsukawa cries and they go tumbling down onto the floor with Hanamaki stuck between laughing his guts out or moving over to them to help them up.

 

He ends up stumbling and cackling, gasping as he also goes down onto them. 

 

Matsukawa groans at the new weight. He cracks an eye open when a shadow blocks the glaring light from the gym lights above and he sees Iwaizumi frowning at them, arms crossed. 

 

“Hey— hey,” Matsukawa wheezes, freeing an arm from under Oikawa, gesturing towards their human pile. “Come join us.”

 

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. “Get up, you oafs or— Oikawa, you—!”

 

Matsukawa coughs and wheezes, trying to catch his breath from laughing too hard at Oikawa grabbing one of Iwaizumi’s ankle and from the new heavy weight. 

 

Four boys grin at each other despite their pain of being squashed together. They knew that they were going to be good friends. 

 

Matsukawa can’t wait for the rest of his high school years. 


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2: training camp // college au

Matsukawa doesn’t know whether he wants to jump out of bed and shout for joy, or to snuggle deeper into his blankets while uselessly telling his alarm to stop beeping. He decides to wrap the covers around himself tighter. 

 

Although, that idea is thrown out the window when he finally gives up and groans, hitting the surface of his bedside table randomly, sick of the incessant noise. 

 

When he finally manages to _strangle the noise to death-_ ahem, turn off the alarm, he’s wide awake. 

 

He sits up and swings his legs off the side, letting out a deep yawn, fingers carding through his unruly locks. Thin white numbers glow out the corner of his eyes and he glimpses the 6:34 on his phone. Wait, 6:34?

 

Matsukawa’s eyes snap open. No, no, no, no, no! He was supposed to be awake at 5:30! Grabbing his phone, Matsukawa finds the alarm app quickly and thumbs through the list of preset alarms and… finds that the alarm he had set the night before isn’t even activated. 

 

_It’s alright,_ Matsukawa desperately tries to reassure himself, _it’s only an hour difference._

 

*******

 

Ten minutes later, Matsukawa is throwing articles of clothing into a duffel bag with questionable accuracy. When he finally practically empties his drawers, he scoops all the ones that didn’t land in the bag and runs to grab a toothbrush from the bathroom. Curse his naive thinking that he would have time in the morning to pack. He should've listened to his mother when she warned him that she had an early shift the next day and wouldn't be able to wake him up.

 

After 3 slips from running around in socks on the hardwood floor, Matsukawa is finally wrestling and tugging the zipper close on his duffel bag. He hastily grabs something random from his family’s plate of fruit aka the “Plate of Undesirable Crops” (dubbed by Hanamaki one time) and rushes out the door with untied laces. 

 

*******

 

Two minutes later, he’s yelling and almost breaking down his front door because he forgot his phone. 

 

*******

 

When Matsukawa finally reaches just outside of Aoba Johsai’s gate, he sees the other third years, yelling at him to “Hurry up!” and “The bus is going to leave without you!” across the parking lot. 

 

He puts in more effort into making his legs move faster and half-runs, half-sprints towards the rest of the team, his heavy duffel bag thumping against his thighs and his hand gripping his peach too tightly. 

 

When he finally reaches the bus, his legs give out and he ends up tripping over Iwaizumi, who grunts and complains but at the same time, hoisting him up and propping him into a standing position. 

 

“Iwaizumi,” Matsukawa wheezes, the syllables caught between panting breaths, “my…” gasp “…saviour.”

 

Iwaizumi is about to grumble out a disheartened “you’re welcome”, but Matsukawa continues, gripping Iwaizumi’s shoulders with both hands as if his life depended on it. 

 

“Wow… such beef for a… small body. Ah, whoops," he says as peach juice stain Iwaizumi's shirt. 

 

Iwaizumi’s eyes flash in anger and he shoves Matsukawa away, ready to punch a bruise for that short (pun intended) comment and the stain. 

 

“Noooo!” Hanamaki dramatically moans, flinging his arms around Matsukawa, ready to protect him. "Not Issei!"

 

Meanwhile, Oikawa catches sight of their final team member and his voice cuts through their squabble.

 

“Kunimi-chan! You made it! Don’t worry, we would never leave without you!”

 

“What!” Matsukawa screeches, clearly scandalized, his head upside down from where he’s being dipped by Hanamaki. He hangs off of Hanamaki, arms wrapped around Hanamaki’s neck. 

 

Kunimi blinks at the scene and murmurs his quiet thanks, quickly climbing onto the bus and automatically choosing a seat next to Kindaichi. It’s too early to deal with his upperclassmen's shenanigans.

 

Matsukawa chuckles and swings his head back up, slightly wincing when his neck cracks, only to meet nose-to-nose with Hanamaki. 

 

Hanamaki’s dark grey eyes glint back at him and he grins, showing off pearly whites. Matsukawa offers a weak grin in return, overtaken by the thumping in his ears and blood rushing in his heart. 

 

Wait, dammit. No, the blood rushing in his ears and the thumping of his heart. What was wrong with him?

 

Oikawa suddenly claps his hands, pleased with Kunimi’s timely arrival only for him to turn around and drop his jaw at the scene. He should’ve addressed the yells and laughter in the background earlier. 

 

There are three teenage boys running around in circles and Oikawa can not believe his eyes. Hanamaki is running away from Iwaizumi laughing, an equally loud Matsukawa being piggybacked by Hanamaki. Iwaizumi roars after them and swings his fist about, trying to look as menacing as possible while being at least several centimetres shorter and a good few feet away from them. 

 

“Hey!” Oikawa yells, placing fists on his hips. “Get on the bus! We’re going to be late!”

 

All three boys freeze, turning their heads slowly to stare at Oikawa with wide eyes. Caught off guard, Oikawa starts to sweat. 

 

Then they do something that surprises Oikawa. Matsukawa clambers down from Hanamaki’s back, although not without wincing from his unused legs and they walk towards the bus. Oikawa straightens up when they get close they pat his shoulders, climbing solemnly into the bus.

 

Oikawa does not know what just happened. He stands there still as straight as a needle until Iwaizumi shouts at _him_ to hurry up and to stop acting like a doofus, shaking his head and muttering how Oikawa is finally acting like a responsible captain, yet he's still like this. 

 

Matsukawa snorts beside Hanamaki and feels a tug on his sleeve. He turns to find Hanamaki sporting a cheeky grin and making a heart with both of his hands. Matsukawa gives him a cheeky grin too. 

 

This time, he can’t deny the blush on his cheeks. 

 

*******

 

When they finally reach the location for their training camp- his _third_ training camp- Matsukawa can’t help but feel a twinge of nostalgia and sorrow at the thought of this being his last training camp with his team and possibly, more importantly, his fellow third years. 

 

But most of those worries fly out the window when Oikawa announces that the third years would be having a room to themselves. He joins the cheers of his fellow third years and laughs, his quiet laugh blending in with Hanamaki and Iwaizumi’s deeper whoops. 

 

*******

 

The whistle screams through the air amidst the pounding of feet against the gym floor and Matsukawa wipes the sweat from his brows. His palms have started to sting from blocking Kyoutani’s spikes and the harsh bright gym lights aren’t helping his parched state. 

 

They’re playing a 3-on-3 match; him, Yahaba, and Iwaizumi against Oikawa, Hanamaki, and Kyoutani. 

 

Kyoutani has been glaring at Oikawa for the past few minutes and Yahaba has been glaring at Kyoutani for being so aggressive to his upperclassman. Iwaizumi stares at their interaction from the back, frowning and bulging arms ready to intervene if necessary. Oikawa seems to have ignored Kyoutani’s fierce stares and hums idly, spinning the ball in his palm. Hanamaki seems to be enjoying the tension and possible fight in front of him.

 

All in all, everything’s just as it usually is. 

 

Only except it’s not. 

 

Matsukawa is still sporting his usual droopy eyes and lazy expression, but there’s something different going on. 

 

He doesn’t know what and it’s starting to drive him crazy. 

 

*******

 

When practice is finished and the gym has been cleaned and tidied, Matsukawa finds out what is bothering him in the first place. 

 

He finds it in the locker room. And in Iwaizumi’s back.

 

Technically, it’s just a back. A strong back with smooth sun-kissed skin.

 

Matsukawa’s not the only one. In fact, the whole team is (low-key) staring at Iwaizumi as he grabs a shirt out of his bag. Oikawa seems like the only person who isn’t affected, but closer observations tell Matsukawa that he’s actually focused on smatter of freckles on Iwaizumi’s shoulders. 

 

Iwaizumi tugs the shirt over his head and onto himself and just like a spell, everyone goes back to changing. Matsukawa does too, but now, he’s acutely aware of Iwaizumi behind him.

 

Beside Matsukawa, Hanamaki zips up his bag and strides over to Iwaizumi, speaking in a light teasing tone.

 

Matsukawa doesn’t hear what he actually says; the only sound in his ears are the puffs of laughter from Iwaizumi’s mouth.

 

And _oh_ , that’s what he’s feeling.


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3: position swap // coffee shop au

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took really long to update
> 
> on the bright side, have a 3k chapter!
> 
> enjoy!

“Come on! Come on! Come on!” Oikawa urges, pulling Matsukawa by the arm along the deserted road. 

 

Matsukawa rumbles out a laugh, amused by the way his friend jumps up and down in excitement and the way his eyes twinkle over a trivial matter. 

 

They were only volunteering to grab treats for everyone while the rest of the team waits at their training camp centre.

 

Oikawa was the one who had come up with the idea to go to the nearby cafe. Matsukawa however, was forced to go along since he seemed to be the only third year that has a functional sense of direction. 

 

“Come on!” Oikawa whines and pulls again, but Matsukawa just continues at his leisurely pace. 

 

Suddenly, Oikawa catches sight of the quaint cafe at the corner of the block and bounds ahead, whooping with glee. Matsukawa shakes his head and sighs, but he’s smiling. When he finally reaches the entrance of the cafe, he’s greeted by lovely chimes and glass windows. 

 

He finds Oikawa gushing over the display of treats and possibly more importantly (to Oikawa), the milk breads.

 

“Mattsun!” Oikawa exclaims when he catches Matsukawa looking at him with a fond smile. “Look! Their milk breads look divine!”

 

Matsukawa chuckles. The sight of his friends getting excited and hopeful over something they love never failed to make him smile, whether it’d be milk bread, cream puffs or agedashi tofu.

 

He makes his way over to Oikawa, winding through a maze of wooden stools and circular tables. He’s just about at the counter when he catches Oikawa about to order a dozen packages of milk bread. Matsukawa widens his eyes and grabs Oikawa’s hand with the money. 

 

“Woah, you know that you’re not allowed to buy milk bread. Especially that many.”

 

“But Mattsun,” Oikawa whines, shaking his fist full of coins. “It looks so good.”

 

“Iwaizumi’s going to have my head.”

 

“Just blame it on me.” Oikawa bats his lashes. “Please?”

 

To say that Matsukawa is a slight pushover is an understatement. He’s a _massive_ pushover. 

 

Which is how Matsukawa finds himself nodding and agreeing with Oikawa’s request. 

 

Oikawa tries to clap with a hand and a fist, turning back to the barista and pointing at the display. 

 

Matsukawa smiles and nods along until he suddenly sees an image of him beheaded and lying on the ground while Iwaizumi cackles and steps on his severed head.

 

“Wait, no!” Matsukawa grabs his own wallet. “How about we get the cookies for the team, and I’ll buy you milk bread.”

 

Oikawa pouts. “But I want my 12 milk breads!” 

 

“Tooru, no.” Oikawa stops whining. Taking advantage of the achieved silence, Matsukawa shoves Oikawa aside and gets the cookies plus a milk bread. 

 

He hands the milk bread to a happy Oikawa and they make their way out of the store.

 

It isn’t until they’re almost to the gym, that Matsukawa realizes how quiet Oikawa has been. 

 

He glances towards his left and is struck with the sight of Oikawa munching away at his treat. His cheeks are red and he has crumbs on the edges of his lips. 

 

_Cute._

 

*******

 

The next day, when Matsukawa finally stumbles out of the third year’s room, he makes his way to the kitchen and grabs a bowl of cereal and a carton of milk, shuffling out and into one of the seats by the big plastic table. 

 

“Mattsun!” 

 

Matsukawa struggles to open his eyes wider, sleep gunk sticking to his eyelids. 

 

“Mmm,” he hums.

 

Oikawa laughs. Matsukawa smacks his hand away. Oikawa squeals, rubbing the back of his hand that had been trying to steal Matsukawa’s cheerios. 

 

“I thought you couldn’t open your eyes!” Matsukawa can practically hear the pout in Oikawa’s voice.

 

He manages to crack open an eyelid and glares at Oikawa. “Don’t underestimate my love for cheerios.”

 

Oikawa just sniffles and whines, “Mattsuuuunn.” 

 

Matsukawa glares at him through droopy eyelids. “Get your own.”

 

Suddenly, he hears the creak of a chair on his left and watches Hanamaki plop down, a hand carrying a plate with halved bagels and another reaching for Matsukawa’s bowl.

 

“Morning,” he yawns and grabs a fistful of cheerios, haphazardly dropping them into his open mouth.

 

Matsukawa murmurs a “Good morning” and grabs his carton of milk, pouring it into his bowl. 

 

“What! Why can’t I have some?” Oikawa screeches. 

 

Hanamaki laughs, pleased with the display of a scandalized Oikawa. He clearly knows about Matsukawa’s love and protectiveness of his cheerios. Wrapping an arm around Matsukawa’s shoulders and pulling him close, Hanamaki bumps their heads gently together. 

 

“We’re lovebirds in love. I get special privileges,” Hanamaki says. 

 

Matsukawa nods, his eyes still not fully opened. “It’s true.” His stomach flips at Hanamaki’s words and he tries not to show his excitement. 

Hanamaki laughs and sticks his tongue out at Oikawa. He grabs a bagel with his left hand and offers it to Matsukawa, who automatically accepts it, chewing slowly.

 

“Payback,” he tries to mumble around the bagel, but all that comes out is mumbling.

 

The next few minutes until Iwaizumi finally wakes up are filled with Oikawa’s scandalized gasps and Hanamaki’s laughter. Matsukawa tries to laugh along although his stuffed mouth prevents him from doing so successfully. He ends up giggling and hiding his mouth behind his hand.

 

He doesn’t notice his two friends’ light blushes and soft smiles. 

 

*******

 

Day three of their training camp is mainly focused on blocks. As the team’s best blocker, Matsukawa finds himself helping the second and first years the most. 

 

“Reach as high as you can!” Matsukawa calls to them. They nod and try their best to follow his advice. 

 

They continue for another ten minutes, Matsukawa giving pointers and pointing out mistakes. 

 

“Lunch time!” Iwaizumi yells from the other side of the gym and all of Matsukawa’s underclassmen scatter, running for the door, some of them whooping (Kindaichi) while others are slower, but nevertheless leaving (Kunimi).

 

“You stole all my kouhais,” Matsukawa accuses Iwaizumi. 

 

Iwaizumi just rolls his eyes and plucks the volleyball from Matsukawa’s hands. “Go eat with them already.”

 

Matsukawa laughs and ruffles Iwaizumi’s hair, ignoring Iwaizumi’s protests and pushes at his back to get him going already. “At least let me help you clean up.” 

 

“No.”

 

Matsukawa raises an eyebrow. “No?”

 

“No, in fact,” Iwaizumi says with a smirk, letting go of the ball he’s holding for it to roll across the floor and hit another. There’s a glint in Iwaizumi’s eye that Matsukawa isn’t sure if it’s supposed to make him breathless. “We’re gonna make everyone else clean this up. They’re the ones who left this mess, not us. We tried to clean up anyways.”

 

“Oh ho.” Matsukawa grins. He likes this mischievous side of Iwaizumi. He sweeps a wide gesture towards the doorway. “Well, Mr. Iwaizumi, after you.”

 

Iwaizumi smirks, showing off a bit of teeth and strides through the door. “Mr. Matsukawa.”

 

Matsukawa laughs, a genuine one that echoes faintly in the gym and he shuts the door after them. 

 

*******

(It has never occurred to Matsukawa that he’s in love with his best friends until now. All three of them.

 

He’s in love and it makes him giddy. He likes this feeling. 

 

They’ve already said “I love you” to one another. The words are purely platonic, but now, Matsukawa can’t help but think that maybe his were always with more meaning. He doesn’t mind if they only love him as a friend. It’s fine. It always has been.

 

As long as it doesn’t change, Matsukawa doesn’t think he’ll get upset over it.

 

Even so, a part of him still secretly hopes that their “I love you”s also mean something else.)

 

*******

 

Matsukawa sighs when he enters the third years’ room. 

 

He had just left the second and first years’ room to make sure they were going to bed. Which resulted in Watari calling him “Uncle Matsukawa” until the whole room was chanting it. He didn’t know whether to be proud or scared. So he had just yelled “Good night!” and shut the door, leaving them to giggle and fall over each other.

 

And now here in the third years’ room… his best friends have all collapsed and managed to fall asleep on top of each other. 

 

It’s kinda cute. 

 

He nudges Hanamaki’s side with his foot. “Wake up.” 

 

Hanamaki grumbles something incoherent and makes grabby motions towards Matsukawa. He takes hold of Matsukawa’s leg and tugs.

 

Matsukawa’s eyes narrow. “Hanamaki,” he warns. 

 

Hanamaki tugs again. 

 

“Hanam- ack!”

 

Matsukawa comes crashing down and onto all of them, causing a chain of sounds of pain and a distinct roar of “MATSUKAWA”.

 

“It’s not my fault!” Matsukawa protests. “Hanamaki made me fall!”

 

A strangled gasp comes from somewhere underneath him; Hanamaki trying to dramatically gasp but ends up failing due to Matsukawa on top of him. “Not my fault,” he wheezes. “And get off!”

 

Matsukawa does so, but not without elbowing Oikawa in the chest, kneeing Iwaizumi’s thigh and pushing himself off of Hanamaki’s back. 

 

“MATSUKAWA,” Iwaizumi yells and Matsukawa barely has time to brace himself before a body launches itself at him. 

 

*******

 

Matsukawa fake-sniffles from Hanamaki’s lap, his face pressed into his best friend’s stomach. 

 

Hanamaki leans back on his palms, laughing at Matsukawa’s fake-misery. 

 

Matsukawa weakly slaps Hanamaki’s back for not supporting him. 

 

They’re sitting in a circle, Iwaizumi having finally calmed down and sitting across the duo while Oikawa lays on his stomach beside the three of them, reading a sports magazine on a nearby futon. 

 

The room grows silent. The only sounds are their soft breathing, the taps of Iwaizumi’s fingernails on his phone and the occasional _fwips_ of Oikawa’s magazine. 

 

Matsukawa breathes in the scent of Hanamaki through his shirt and the movements of Hanamaki’s fingers tangling into his hair lull him to drowsiness.

 

Matsukawa doesn’t know how long it’s been, minutes? Hours? But just as he’s about to fall asleep, Hanamaki speaks. 

 

“You guys are dating, aren’t you?”

 

Matsukawa feels as if all the air has been sucked from the room. 

 

A nervous laughter erupts from across Hanamaki. Iwaizumi. Matsukawa would’ve thought that it would be Oikawa who would be trying to deny it, but he’s strangely quiet. 

 

Iwaizumi stutters, never answering the question with a solid answer. “Uh… um… well, you see… we are, well we’re not, uh… we…”

 

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa says to stop him. 

 

Matsukawa’s heart thuds at Hanamaki’s fingers twisting his hair and he squeeze his eyes shut tighter. Here it comes.

 

“I… Do you think Matsukawa is awake?”

 

Matsukawa’s eyes flash open, but all he can see is the dark fabric of Hanamaki’s shirt and the shadows from the creases. He stays silent. 

 

Hanamaki, Oikawa, and Iwaizumi don’t say a word either, obviously waiting for his response. 

 

When Matsukawa doesn’t respond, Oikawa sighs. “Yes, we’re dating.”

 

Matsukawa sucks in his breath. Hanamaki’s fingers freeze and stop twisting his locks. Instead, they go back to running gently through his hair, although it’s more hesitant and slow now.

 

“What about you and Mattsun?” Oikawa asks and Matsukawa doesn’t want to hear anymore but he does. 

 

He hears for the rest of the night.

 

*******

 

Matsukawa blinks groggily, sleep still creeping around his eyes. The shadowed white ceiling meets his eyes and he lays there, silently studying the tiles and cracks of ceiling panels. Hush soft breathing fills the air around him and the soft morning rays fall gently against the curtains. 

 

There’s a warmth on his right, Matsukawa realizes. It’s expected since he’s sleeping next to three other boys. But the warmth is… well warmer than it’s supposed to.

 

Matsukawa turns his head precariously, careful to not make too much noise. Black hair fills up his sight and the tips of Iwaizumi’s strands tickle his nose. He tries to not make any movements, but Iwaizumi’s making a deep sigh, making his nose twitch and God, he _has_ to scratch that itch or else. 

 

(Else meaning he will let out undignified noises and embarrass his already embarrassing self more.)

 

Matsukawa quickly rubs his nose. Iwaizumi stirs. Matsukawa freezes. 

 

_Good job on failing,_ he chastises himself. 

 

Iwaizumi’s cuddled up to Matsukawa, half of him laying on Matsukawa’s side and an arm slung over his chest. Matsukawa’s got an arm wrapped around Iwaizumi’s waist and he smiles. He’s going have to use this as blackmail in the future. 

 

_This is a nice view_ , Matsukawa thinks before he remembers last night’s “secret” conversation. 

 

His blood runs cold. He shouldn’t be here with Iwaizumi drooling on his shoulder as his boyfriend sleeps nearby. He shouldn’t be thinking about Iwaizumi like this when he has a boyfriend. He shouldn’t be thinking, _I wouldn’t mind waking up to this again._ There’s not supposed to be any “again”. 

 

But… Iwaizumi has always done this before. Both Hanamaki and Oikawa have seen them like this and they had never complained. Maybe teased, taken pictures for blackmail, but never complained or object. 

 

_He still has a boyfriend!_ Matsukawa scolds himself. _This has to stop!_

 

Matsukawa tries to free himself from Iwaizumi’s grasp, but Iwaizumi just holds on tighter. Matsukawa pulls again, but to no avail. Carefully, Matsukawa grips Iwaizumi’s fingers and pulls it away from his body, dropping it onto his chest. Iwaizumi stirs and fists the fabric of Matsukawa’s shirt. 

 

Matsukawa sighs, but the breath isn’t as smooth as he wanted and it’s shaky and filled with every bit of fear he has. He pushes himself off the futon and is about to sit up when he forgets that his arm was trapped under Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi’s grip tightens and Matsukawa gasps when he finds himself in a compromising situation with him above Iwaizumi. Hastily, he gets out of Iwaizumi’s clutches. 

 

Matsukawa stands up. He looks to where Oikawa and Hanamaki are.

 

Matsukawa’s heart slams against his chest for reasons unknown. They’ve always done this too, it’s natural, nothing abnormal.

 

They’re cuddling each other too.

 

*******

 

Hanamaki laughs, throwing a pair of shorts at Matsukawa. Matsukawa grins back, throwing the clothing back at him. 

 

Hanamaki screeches when it lands his head and quick as a whip, he snatches it and smacks it on Matsukawa’s backside. 

 

Matsukawa squeals and pouts at a smug Hanamaki, rubbing his butt gently.

 

“That hurts!”

 

Hanamaki sticks a tongue out at him. “Your fault.”

 

Matsukawa sticks a tongue back. “Don’t lie, you’re only here for the booty.”

 

Hanamaki eyes said booty and whistles. “Can’t say you’re wrong.”

 

Matsukawa laughs. He can always count on Hanamaki to be there to make him feel better, whether it’d be intentional or not. 

 

Hanamaki laughs along, the sound tinkling in their room. Then he shakes the shorts at Matsukawa. “Just finish packing already.” Matsukawa grins and does as he says.

 

***

 

They’re standing in front of the bus, nostalgia clear in their eyes as they stare at the building.

 

Matsukawa and Hanamaki simultaneously sigh. 

 

“Good times,” Matsukawa reminisces.

 

“Good times,” Hanamaki agrees.

 

A chorus of screams and yelling erupts from behind them and as expected, Oikawa is running around the bus, with an enraged Iwaizumi behind him. 

 

“Oikawa! Why did you do that?” Iwaizumi yells with a tint of red on his cheeks. 

 

Oikawa gives him his signature peace-sign-with-tongue-sticking-out look. “But Iwa-chan was looking so cute! Aw, does Iwa-chan want another kiss?”

 

Matsukawa’s stomach drops.

 

Iwaizumi fumes and grabs a random volleyball, chucking it at Oikawa. Where did he even get that? Oikawa squeals in pain and goes toppling down. Pleased with his success, Iwaizumi swings his duffel bag over his shoulder and drags Oikawa onto the bus, yelling at them to hurry up.

 

Hanamaki laughs and grabs his own duffel bag, bounding after them. Matsukawa watches his expression, it’s amusement and adoration and… the exact same expression he sees in the mirror. 

 

It’s the same expression Matsukawa holds when he thinks about his best friends. 

 

Only except Hanamaki’s not looking at Matsukawa. He’s looking at Iwaizumi and Oikawa.

 

Hanamaki’s in love too. 

 

And Matsukawa knows that he shouldn’t be feeling betrayal, that it’s irrational for him to want to control who Hanamaki loves. Maybe he had been hoping that they could at least get together. 

 

Matsukawa hates it. He hates the tug-of-war game his feelings play. He hates the fact that Oikawa and Iwaizumi are dating each other. 

 

But most of all, he hates his feelings he has for _them._


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 4: zoo trip // magic au

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about my updating schedule (more like lack of updating schedule), but yeah! next chapter!
> 
> in case you guys were wondering (since seijou 4 week ended a long time ago), i am not giving up on this fic and i will finish this if this is the last thing i do（　･`ω･´)

“What the actual—”

 

“Makki!” Oikawa chastises him. “There are children here!”

 

“Oikawa,” Hanamaki says gravelly. “This is a very serious matter and I have all rights to swear right now.”

 

“There are still children here,” Oikawa insists.

 

“Oikawa!” Hanamaki yells, grabbing Oikawa’s shoulders. “Are you sure you’re seeing this or am I hallucinating?”

 

Oikawa widens his eyes, clearly shaken up by Hanamaki’s outburst. “It’s just… Iwa-chan and Mattsun?”

 

“No!” Hanamaki bursts, spinning Oikawa and placing a firm hand on his outer shoulder. “Look.”

 

Oikawa looks and he finally sees what has Hanamaki so riled up. 

 

Matsukawa and Iwaizumi are standing beside each other a bit farther away from them, poring over a zoo map and excitedly pointing at exhibits on the paper. Their eyes shine with excitement and the tiny elated smiles they have on is evident on their glowing faces. 

 

“The baby otters!” Matsukawa is exclaiming. 

 

Iwaizumi nods solemnly then gives a tiny gasp as he sees something catch his eyes. “Penguins!”

 

Matsukawa also lets out another gasp. “Hedgehogs!”

 

“Where?” Iwaizumi exclaims and Matsukawa jabs at the map, pointing to a purple area. 

 

“Makki!” Oikawa gasps, reaching and grasping his friend’s shoulders in an attempt to calm himself. 

 

“I know, I know,” Hanamaki wheezes. 

 

Oikawa buries his face in Hanamaki’s shoulder, the sight of Matsukawa and Iwaizumi being cute too much for him to handle. Hanamaki twists in his grasp and hugs him back. 

 

“We’re done for,” he dramatically moans and Oikawa can only nod. 

 

“Come on!” Matsukawa suddenly shouts, beckoning them to the zoo entrance, as Iwaizumi clutches a new map and nods furiously, determination in his eyes. 

 

“We gotta spend as much time possible!” Iwaizumi yells too. 

 

Hanamaki groans again but starts walking towards them anyways. “Done for,” he repeats.

 

*******

 

Matsukawa had promised himself that he wouldn't embarrass himself, but that’s practically impossible. Especially when he was the one who had immediately suggested this trip after seeing news about new animals on the zoo’s website. 

 

Okay, so he knew that embarrassing himself was bound to happen. But could he at least only embarrass himself _a little_?

 

Apparently not. 

 

“Matsukawa!” Hanamaki beckons, pointing at the wall of glass in front of him.

 

Matsukawa’s eyes light up and he lets himself run across the carpet floor swirling with blue light to join Hanamaki. He finds himself plastered to the glass and he’s too busy cooing over the dolphins that swim by to think about how unhygienic the glass must be. 

 

He can hear Hanamaki’s laugh and the underlying implication that he’s going to get teased over this later, but he couldn’t care less. 

 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa join him and dimly, Matsukawa can hear Hanamaki chuckle in the background but he’s too caught up in Iwaizumi’s voice reading the information plaque and Oikawa’s giggles whenever Iwaizumi says “dolphins” in a weird voice. 

 

He laughs along too. 

 

*******

 

Matsukawa unwraps his sandwich and bites into it, relishing in the burst of flavour. The sun is shining brightly and Matsukawa tries to ignore the heat. Sitting across the painted metal table from him is Hanamaki, who is not-so-subtly stealing his fries. 

 

He slaps Hanamaki’s hand for the nth time and he squeaks, dropping it back onto the tray, but picks it up again anyways. 

 

Iwaizumi seems to be in a similar state; Oikawa sneaks a hand here and there to nab Iwaizumi’s pepperoni from his already-derived-of-pepperoni pizza while Iwaizumi is scanning through his photos for anything interesting. 

 

“Hanamaki!” Matsukawa finally shouts, exasperated. 

 

In Hanamaki’s clutches, is not one fry, but two. Two!

 

Matsukawa hastily grabs the fries back, but Hanamaki takes advantage of Matsukawa’s other hand being occupied by holding his sandwich and grabs a handful with his other.

 

“Hanamaki Takahiro,” Matsukawa says seriously, mustering as much emotion he could put into making himself like a disappointed parent. 

 

“Matsukawa Issei,” Hanamaki mocks back. Then he waggles his eyebrows. “Plus, special privileges, remember?”

 

Matsukawa groans. 

 

The training camp had only ended a week ago and while it was mostly fun, he had made some mistakes. Mistakes including playing along with Hanamaki’s silly games and… oh. Falling for his friends.

 

(Dimly, Matsukawa wonders if this attraction was always there, just not something he was conscious of.)

 

Despite his hazardous thoughts, Matsukawa manages to keep his expression the same, shooting back at Hanamaki with equal snark. 

 

“You know I was only playing along. There are no ‘special privileges’.”

 

Hanamaki gives a scandalized gasp. “Issei!” he cries. “Don’t deny our love!”

 

Iwaizumi groans beside Hanamaki, interrupting their banter. “We get it, you guys are very much in love.”

 

Matsukawa ignores him and grins at Hanamaki, grabbing a box from his own backpack. “Hmmm, I guess I don’t really care about our relationship since I brought these cream puffs…”

 

Hanamaki gasps and snatches the box. “Never mind, I love you!”

 

Oikawa snickers. “Well, I guess Makki’s true love _is_ cream puffs.”

 

Hanamaki’s response to Oikawa’s insult is to steal his chocolate fudge sundae.

 

“No!” Oikawa screeches. 

 

Hanamaki cackles evilly and swerves out of Oikawa’s range, digging as deep as he can with the plastic spoon. 

 

Matsukawa and Iwaizumi laugh at Oikawa’s failing attempts to regain his dessert and the yells of “Apologize!” and “Never!” until they end up clutching their stomachs and putting their head on the table to quell their laughter.

 

That is until they hear the unmistakable _snap!_ of extremely cheap plastic breaking. They lift their heads to see a Hanamaki with an “oh” expression holding half a spoon. The other half of the spoon, the bowl part, is stuck solidly in the (apparently) rock hard ice cream.

 

They all stare at the scene in silence for a full second before Matsukawa and Iwaizumi burst into uncontrollable laughter again. 

 

The peals of laughter fill the rest of their lunch and by the time they finally finish their food, they’re all grinning. 

 

*******

 

“Wow,” Iwaizumi breathes beside him and Matsukawa can’t help but agree. 

 

Colours of every variation swims around them, some faster than others, othersmore fluorescent than some. Fluttering tails and fins glide through the water gracefully and glimmering scales flash under the soft light. 

 

Matsukawa peers at the back of the underwater tunnel to check on Oikawa and Hanamaki. They’re chatting animatedly, taking as much photos as they can. A small fond smile settles on Matsukawa’s face and he listens to their soft conversation before turning back to Iwaizumi. 

 

Only for his breath to be taken away. 

 

Pale light finds its way onto Iwaizumi’s face, highlighting both the soft and sharp features of his face. Admiration fills his eyes and if Matsukawa follows his gaze, he knows that he’ll be seeing beautiful creatures that have Iwaizumi enamoured. 

 

He doesn’t think that they could compare to the boy in front him, though.

 

A sudden gasp comes from behind Matsukawa and he hears Hanamaki call to him, “Matsukawa! A red lionfish!”

 

Matsukawa immediately bounds over, cooing over the exotic marine creature. He barely notices Oikawa slipping past him and towards Iwaizumi to fling his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck. 

 

He tries to snap as many photos as possible, but it keeps moving, aimlessly swimming farther away from him until it blends in with a coral background. Matsukawa’s gaze drops and goes back to the path ahead of them. 

 

“Issei?” Hanamaki’s asking.

 

Matsukawa vaguely hears him, but it’s only a blur compared to the pounding of his blood in his ears. 

 

He watches the hand already on Iwaizumi’s shoulder drop and place itself on Iwaizumi’s lower back. Oikawa leans in and whispers into Iwaizumi’s ear. From the way Iwaizumi is moving his head slightly, Matsukawa can tell that he’s rolling his eyes at whatever Oikawa was saying. Iwaizumi turns his head towards Oikawa to probably scold him, but as he does, Oikawa plants a quick kiss on his nose and jumps away, giggling. 

 

Matsukawa’s throat constricts. He turns away, answering Hanamaki slowly, not putting his mind into the conversation. 

 

He was so stupid! He should’ve known that this would happen. Bring his friends, two who were dating, to the zoo for an entire day. It would be practically a date for them. 

 

Matsukawa struggles to focus on Hanamaki’s voice, but it’s only when Hanamaki places a hand on his forearm and gives him an incomprehensible smile that’s he’s able to calm down. He gives back a shy smile. 

 

He misses the kiss Iwaizumi places on Oikawa’s lips. He misses the blushes that bloom on their cheeks. He misses the interlacing of their fingers. 

 

He doesn’t miss the twin hot gazes on the back of his neck. 

 

*******

 

“Hey.”

 

Matsukawa glances briefly at Oikawa. “Hey,” he responds.

 

They sit on the bench in silence as they watch Iwaizumi and Hanamaki plaster themselves over the insects exhibit. Being less of an enthusiast over such creatures, Matsukawa and Oikawa had opted out going into the gallery filled with 6 feet tall sculptures and giant hanging models. 

 

They sit there for some time, passing the popcorn bag they had bought back and forth before Oikawa speaks again. 

 

“Mattsun, there’s something I have to tell you.”

 

Matsukawa freezes. “Yes?” he asks nervously, mind going through a thousand things Oikawa could say. 

 

“It’s about me and, um, I mean, okay, let’s say hypothetically, I am dating someone, would you be okay with that?”

 

Matsukawa can’t seem to be able to swallow the popcorn down his throat. He coughs and gives a thankful look to Oikawa when he thumps his back. Although, he has a worried expression at Matsukawa’s supposed response. 

 

“Yeah,” Matsukawa wheezes. “That’s okay.”

 

_No… it’s not._

 

Oikawa brightens slightly but wrings his hands anyways. “Okay, well, me and Iwa-chan are dating. And Makki already knows because we told him during the training camp and we’re sorry that we didn’t tell you, but you were asleep! And we didn’t want to wake you up and…” Oikawa continues rambling, clearly nervous about Matsukawa’s reaction to the proclamation. 

 

Matsukawa still remembers that “secret” conversation. Oikawa (and some Iwaizumi) had talked about how they got together, their dates, and basically how perfect they were for each other. 

 

He remembers Hanamaki’s forced laugh at Oikawa’s question about Hanamaki and his love life. “Nothing happening,” Hanamaki had said and Matsukawa then wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be in relief. Was he supposed to be cruel and wish that his best friend was single so that he could have a chance?

 

Not like that matters. Not anymore. Hanamaki’s in love with them as much as he is and Matsukawa isn’t sure if that reassures him or scares him.

 

Oikawa has stopped rambling, staring at him with expectant eyes for some sort of response. Matsukawa smiles with as much encouragement he can muster in his eyes. 

 

“Yeah, it’s okay,” he repeats.

 

Oikawa looks at him, raw relief evident in his eyes. It hurts to see him so naked and honest when Matsukawa is the one lying here.

 

Matsukawa continues to smile weakly. Oikawa beams back. 

 

*******

 

“Matsukawa.”

 

Matsukawa doesn’t know what to do. Oikawa is the one speaking his name, mouth shaping around the unfamiliar syllables. He wants Oikawa to stop, but when he opens his mouth, no sound comes out, as if his voice isn’t important. Oikawa continues anyway, oblivious to his friend’s pain.

 

“Are you in love with us?”

 

The world starts spinning. It’s spinning out of control and there’s nothing Matsukawa can do. He feels dizzy, a myriad of colours blending together to create a sick orange colour of nausea. 

 

He falls to his knees, eyes shut and hands closed around his ears. It doesn’t help at all. The colours, now images, flash against his eyelids and he can still hear the cursed words.

 

“Stop,” he croaks. “Stop.”

 

_Are you in love with us?_

 

_Are you in love with us?_

 

_Are you in love with us?_

 

It’s three different voices speaking the same thing.

 

**_***_ **

 

Matsukawa jerks awake, thrashing in his covers, his laboured breaths filling up the room. He places a palm on his temples, shooting pain going through his head. The room is too hot.

 

Wobbly, he finds his way out of his bedroom and into the kitchen, filling up a glass with water and downing it in one gulp. His headache is feeling better so he fills up another glass of water and carries it back upstairs, placing it on his nightstand. 

 

His room is cool again, his curtains fluttering from a light summer breeze and pale moonlight shining on his floor. But the blanket is too bunched up and tight, too hot and suffocating. 

 

He can’t sleep. He tries, but he only ends up wide awake and tossing and turning, unable to find a comfortable position. The headache comes back stronger.

 

Matsukawa groans. He can’t take this anymore.

 

He wrenches the blanket off him and grabs a misplaced sweatshirt, tugging it on harshly. He pulls his phone off its charger and sends a quick text to Hanamaki.

 

**(2:07) Mr. Caterpillar Eyebrows:** Can I come over?

 

**(2:07) Pink Eyebrows:** back is unlocked

 

Matsukawa huffs as he makes his way down the stairs, slipping on his shoes and slipping out the door.

 

When he reaches Hanamaki’s house, he goes to the back and pulls on a ring that’s attached to a string to unlock the door from the outside. He pads across the stone path and carefully opens the back door, wincing when the door creaks.

 

He clambers up the stairs. There’s light shining from the below the bathroom door, but Matsukawa ignores it, turning away to quell the throbbing that emerges again in his head. He pushes Hanamaki’s door open, freezing when he places a foot past the doorway. There’s no one there. 

 

“Issei? What’s wrong?”

 

Matsukawa jumps and spins around to meet Hanamaki. He flings his arms around Hanamaki, despite his headache’s protest, and Hanamaki makes a soft noise of surprise at the sudden action. Nevertheless, he holds Matsukawa in his arms and rubs Matsukawa’s back in slow circular motions.

 

“Issei?” Hanamaki asks again. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Bad dream,” Matsukawa mumbles.

 

Hanamaki hums, acknowledging Matsukawa’s distraught. Matsukawa closes his eyes to Hanamaki’s voice, burying his head in Hanamaki’s neck, the coarse familiar strands of Hanamaki’s hair calming him. 

 

They stay like that for a few minutes, Hanamaki drawing soothing symbols and shapes on Matsukawa’s back and Matsukawa’s arms wrapped around Hanamaki’s comforting heat. 

 

“Come on,” Hanamaki finally says, moving slowly towards his bed.

 

Matsukawa blinks his eyes open and quietly groans when he sees spots flash across his eyes. 

 

Hanamaki lays a hand securely on the back of Matsukawa’s head at the sound of Matsukawa’s discomfort. Matsukawa instantly relaxes into it. _His hands are nice,_ Matsukawa thinks sluggishly. 

 

Matsukawa clings to Hanamaki when they’re on his bed, not wanting to let go.

 

“Shh…” Hanamaki murmurs and he cards his fingers through Matsukawa’s hair, placing a feather-light kiss on his forehead. 

 

Matsukawa buries his face into Hanamaki’s chest, the dream now a distant thought at the back of his head. His headache still throbs but it’s much more bearable now with the scent of Hanamaki surrounding him.

 

It’s easy to forget his feelings for his best friend like this.


	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 5: getting sick/injured // rainy day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you guys believe that i actually wrote 10K for a fic???? cause i can't and i just want to say thank you for everyone who has stuck with me, whether from the beginning or not
> 
> sshhhh im not crying you're crying
> 
> thank you! enjoy!
> 
> also can you guys believe that only one more chapter and then an epilogue??? wow

Matsukawa wakes up to the sound of rain. _Pitter patters_ bounce on the window, the sound echoing quietly in the room. There’s a heat surrounding him, thin white cotton pressing against his face. He inhales greedily, snuggling closer.

 

Above him, Hanamaki twitches in his sleep, tightening his hold on Matsukawa. Matsukawa hums, sleepy mind pleased with the position he’s in. 

 

The rain starts to lessen but continues on nevertheless. It’s a pleasant sound in Matsukawa’s ears as he floats between the state of sleep and wake. 

 

_Drip drop._

 

It’s cloudy outside, no sun, but frail light still peeps through the blinds.

 

_Drip drop._

 

Hanamaki’s soft breathing slightly ruffles the tips of Matsukawa’s curls. The blanket had fallen down to somewhere around their legs.

 

_Drip drop._

 

The alarm clock on the nightstand behind Hanamaki ticks and tocks, counting each second of the bliss.

 

_Drip drop._

 

_Tick tock._

 

_Drip drop._

 

_Tick tock._

 

*******

 

“Hey,” Hanamaki says without looking up when Matsukawa finally emerges from upstairs. 

 

“Hey,” Matsukawa responds back softly.

 

Hanamaki’s in the kitchen making breakfast, hands skillfully transferring the scrambled eggs from the skillet to two bowls. He reaches into the fridge to grab a carton of milk, pouring a mug for himself before asking.

 

“You want some?”

 

Matsukawa nods, moving towards the kitchen island and pulling out a chair. Hanamaki situates himself from across Matsukawa and pushes a plate of toasted bread and the bowl of eggs towards him.

 

Silverware clink and silence floats between them until Hanamaki places his dead cold feet on Matsukawa’s.

 

“Hey!” Matsukawa complains. 

 

Hanamaki sticks his tongue out at him and presses his icy toes more firmly. Matsukawa jerks his feet away, rubbing them against each other in an attempt to gain back some warmth.

 

“Oh no,” Matsukawa warns when he sees Hanamaki’s expression. “Oh _no_.”

 

Hanamaki only grins wider. He places an entire foot on Matsukawa’s bare thigh and Matsukawa instantly regrets trading in his thin pyjama pants for one of Hanamaki’s shorts.

 

Matsukawa squawks and stands up hastily. He places his hands up, palms facing Hanamaki when Hanamaki gets up as well as if he’s trying to not encourage an over-excited puppy from knocking him over .

 

“No, don’t do this,” Matsukawa warns.

 

Hanamaki grins mischievously. “Do what?” he asks in faux innocence. He wiggles his fingers, bound to be just as cold. 

 

Matsukawa bolts. 

 

Laughter fills the house as they run around, bouncing off the walls and into their ears. Their half-empty plates sit on the table patiently with smudged glasses that decorates the sides of their cups. Stomps of feet patter from the living room to the kitchen, to the hallways, and to the stairs. 

 

Hanamaki finally catches him upstairs in his room, crashing into a Matsukawa who has just realized his mistake in cornering himself in Hanamaki’s room. The two of them shriek as they fall over and onto the bed, fists grabbing onto thin air, feet kicking in an attempt to stay upright. 

 

“Ow…” they moan, before catching each other’s eye, Matsukawa back to burying his face in the covers to muffle his laughs and Hanamaki’s into his best friend’s shoulder blades to quell his own shakes.

 

“Hey,” Hanamaki says, puffing another gust of warm air when the giggles finally dissipate from their shoulders.

 

“Hmm?”

 

Hanamaki doesn’t speak again. Matsukawa’s about to turn around and ask again, but before he could, Hanamaki speaks up. 

 

“Do you… want to talk about it?”

 

For a second, Matsukawa panics and thinks that Hanamaki has found about  his secret crushes. Then he realizes that Hanamaki must be talking about his nightmare. After all, he did come all the way to his house because of it. 

 

Even so, he asks.

 

“About what?”

 

“Why you couldn’t sleep.”

 

Matsukawa releases a breath in relief but it’s short-lived. His breath quickens as his mind conjures up the content of his terrible dream and he tries breathing in slower to calm himself. He remembers his nightmare, of course, something like that isn’t easily forgotten.

 

_Are you in love with us?_

 

Hanamaki must’ve heard his heartbeat quicken or something because he immediately says, “It’s okay if you don’t want to,” after. 

 

Matsukawa struggles to decide whether or not to tell him. He decides for the half-truth. 

 

“It was about my crushes.”

 

Hanamaki tenses above him and even though that’s anticipated, Matsukawa still flinches. 

 

“Crushes?” Hanamaki echoes and Matsukawa realizes his mistake. 

 

*******

 

Matsukawa’s wet hair plasters to his forehead and he does his best to sweep them away.

 

He seems to be making one mistake after another it seems and Matsukawa laughs drily. About what, he doesn’t know. Maybe it’s at an inside joke he and the universe seem to have about his stupid feelings. Or maybe it’s just himself trying to desperately make himself feel better. He doesn’t know. 

 

He’s running through the rain as quickly as he can and the street to home seems much longer than it did when he ran along it last night. He’s panting, the rain soaking his clothes and he’s still in the damn shorts he stole from Hanamaki. 

 

“God damn it,” he huffs angrily. 

 

Distantly, he thinks that he might have heard Hanamaki calling his name, but when he flashes a look back, there’s no one there. Just him, the rain and the rain.

 

*******

 

_“Crushes?” Hanamaki says and Matsukawa panics. He holds his breath and doesn’t answer._

 

_Hanamaki shakes his shoulder at his silence. “Matsukawa? Issei? Are you okay?”_

 

_Matsukawa doesn’t make any noise, just shrug Hanamaki off._

 

_“Issei? Please, just look at me.”_

 

_Matsukawa doesn’t do anything. His heart wrenches at the pleading in his friend’s voice, but he’s cruel and selfish and he doesn’t want to face this now. Maybe not ever._

 

_Hanamaki’s silent._

 

_“It’s all your fault,” the silence says and tears well up in the corner of Matsukawa’s eyes. He wishes that he doesn’t have to do this. But he can’t. He’s afraid._

 

_“Okay.” Hanamaki’s voice is quiet. “Okay,” he repeats. His voice has become smaller._

 

_Matsukawa knows it’s a sign that Hanamaki’s going to cry. His heart becomes lead, ugly and rough, and for a foolish second, Matsukawa believes that he can turn around and apologize._

 

_But Hanamaki shifts and he gets off of Matsukawa, socked feet padding on the wooden floor. Instincts tell Matsukawa to look where he’s going, but fear pins him back down; he’s afraid to see what’s on Hanamaki’s face._

 

_Hanamaki speaks again. “I…I l—” The word chokes off as Hanamaki’s voice breaks._

 

_Half of Matsukawa urges Hanamaki to say the rest, but the other_ stronger _part of him shouts at Hanamaki to stop._

 

_He does and Matsukawa can tell he’s done because the slam of the bathroom door and click of the lock is deafening._

 

_Matsukawa’s body is moving before he can help it and he starts to do what cowards do best: run._

 

*******

 

The rain starts to pour harder and Matsukawa imagines that this is the universe’s way of mocking him.

 

He finally reaches his house, but stops before the front door, not stepping under the awning. He’s shivering violently and he knows it’s not from the cold. Not when the summer rain makes the air humid and sticky. He stares at his shaking hands, his palms facing the sky. They catch raindrops that hit his skin with a _plop_.

 

“Coward,” one seems to say when it hits his right thumb.

 

“Stupid,” another one says when it splashes on his wrist.

 

“He hates you now,” a fat one says, sliding down his palm and into the paved stone below.

 

They’re not all raindrops, he realizes. Some are tears too.

 

“Matsukawa?” 

 

Matsukawa jerks his head up, his gaze settling on Iwaizumi who’s holding his front door open, shocked expression quickly turning into worry and caring. 

 

“Oikawa!” he yells back into the house. “Get towels!”

 

“Wait, Iwa-chan, why?” comes a questioning voice. The owner of the voice is nowhere in sight, however.

 

Iwaizumi ignores Oikawa, already reaching for Matsukawa’s wrist and pulling him in.

 

_Why are you in my house? What are you doing here? What’s happening? Did you hear from Hanamaki?_ are all questions Matsukawa wants to ask, but he can’t seem to voice them out.

 

“I’m going to get you wet,” Matsukawa says lamely instead and Iwaizumi snorts as he leads Matsukawa into the kitchen. 

 

“It’s fine,” he responds. “We already did when we got here.”

 

Ah, well that explains why they’re here. They must’ve got caught in the rain and sought shelter at his house. 

 

“Oh.”

 

Iwaizumi looks at him weirdly, obviously expecting a different response. But he doesn’t ask and continues to pull him along.

 

Oikawa’s already in the kitchen, humming absently as he spoons out hot chocolate for three mugs. Iwaizumi drops Matsukawa’s arm and reaches for a towel from a pile on the counter, stopping when he sees what Oikawa’s doing. 

 

“Oi, what are you doing?”

 

Oikawa looks at Iwaizumi with a perplexed expression. “Making hot chocolate?”

 

Iwaizumi fixes him with a deadpanned look. “It’s summer.”

 

“Yeah, but it’s rainy! And we can always turn on the AC.”

 

“Why would you turn on the AC just to drink hot chocolate?”

 

“So you can enjoy a hot drink!”

 

Their conversation starts to turn into a bicker, arguing over whether or not it is okay to turn on the air conditioner just so one can enjoy a hot drink and Matsukawa chuckles, the sound of familiarity washing over his nerves. 

 

They’re just the same as they were before they were dating, he realizes. Maybe there’s more touching and kisses, but they’re still the same; they’re still his best friends.

 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa look up at the soft sound and each gives a fond smile.

 

“Come on,” Iwaizumi says, picking up a towel and placing it in his hands.

 

Matsukawa bends his head down to Iwaizumi and lets him rub his wet hair dry. Iwaizumi’s gentle fingers are moving carefully but effectively, rubbing and tugging on wet locks. Matsukawa relaxes into the soft touches and as soon as Iwaizumi’s done, he lets himself be pushed towards the stairs, Iwaizumi’s gentle palm on his back guiding him. 

 

“Take a bath,” Iwaizumi says and Matsukawa nods, the energy from before already dwindled to nothing. 

 

He’s tired, he realizes. Both mentally and physically, but sometimes, it was just easier to deal with the one that affected his body. 

 

He climbs up the stairs slowly, already imagining the hot water relaxing his muscles and the hot steam warming the air. He longs for it.

 

“We’ll be waiting downstairs,” Iwaizumi says, pleased with Matsukawa’s willingness and it’s not until he’s at the top of the stairs does Matsukawa notice the small smile that has wormed its way onto his face. 

 

*******

 

There’s something showing on the television when Matsukawa finally comes down from his bath. A soft light emits from the screen and it isn’t until he makes it all the way down does he realizes what horror the device is displaying.

 

“Hey!” he shouts indignantly. 

 

Iwaizumi jumps from his spot on the couch although beside him, Oikawa does not. Oikawa has a smug grin on his face that clearly says that this is all his doing.

 

“Mama!” a baby gurgles on the screen. 

 

Matsukawa’s cheeks flame up in embarrassment as the woman behind the camera coos. “Issei, come here.”

 

Baby Issei on the screen waddles towards the camera, cooing and gurgling, tiny hands outstretched towards his mother.

 

“Aww,” Oikawa coos, “Mattsun you were so cute!”

 

Matsukawa tries to pretend that he’s not blushing right now. 

 

“I’m… not!” he tries to defend himself. 

 

Oikawa giggles and gets up from the couch. “Well, I’m gonna go take a shower now!” He pokes a tongue out and flashes his signature peace sign. As he passes by Matsukawa, he gives Matsukawa a big hug, something Matsukawa can’t resist and Matsukawa returns his embrace just as lovingly. Oikawa bounds off with an encouraging smile and Matsukawa’s soul brightens a little, even though it doesn’t know what Oikawa’s encouraging him for. Then he's going up the stairs, no doubt ready to raid Matsukawa’s closet for “big and snuggly clothes” (Oikawa’s words, not his). 

 

He joins Iwaizumi on the couch with a smile on his face from Oikawa’s hug. Then blanches as he sees his baby self bang his bowl around, spilling mushy orange baby food everywhere.

 

Iwaizumi hasn’t said a word this whole time, Matsukawa notices as he cringes at his baby self wiping his own snot all over his face. Why in the world did his mother record that?

 

“Um,” he says in an attempt to break the awkward silence. 

 

Iwaizumi glances at him and something in Matsukawa twists. There’s a look of adoration in Iwaizumi’s eyes and dimples dent in his cheeks. Why has he never noticed that?

 

Their faces are close enough that Matsukawa could count all the freckles on Iwaizumi’s cheeks if he has all the time in the world.

 

“Your eyes are beautiful.”

 

Matsukawa’s mouth falls open slightly and he can feel his cheeks redden. He hopes that Iwaizumi thinks it’s because the room is stuffy. 

 

The air conditioner whirrs in the background, filling in Matsukawa’s lack of words.

 

“Um, not- not a lot of people say that,” Matsukawa says, inwardly cringing at how awkward he is. 

 

Iwaizumi moves closer, slowly and fluidly. He seems calm, none of the words before flustering him the way Matsukawa would imagine.

 

Iwaizumi lifts a soft hand to Matsukawa’s cheek, dark evergreen eyes always carefully scanning Matsukawa’s face, ready to back off at any form of discomfort.

 

“Well, they’re definitely missing the view,” Iwaizumi says smoothly.

 

Matsukawa’s blush is definitely impossible to hide now. 

 

Iwaizumi is still cradling his jaw, eyes roving all over his face, not making a sound. Iwaizumi shuffles closer and Matsukawa swallows. When Iwaizumi perches on the edge of Matsukawa’s knees, Matsukawa unthinkingly pulls him closer, worried that Iwaizumi would become uncomfortable from the awkward position. His cheeks flame up even more when he takes in what he has done.

 

Iwaizumi continues to caress his jaw, bringing up another hand to cup the other side of his face.

 

He’s waiting, Matsukawa realizes with a start. Iwaizumi barely moves, but it’s noticeable when Matsukawa can start to see the swirls of colours in Iwaizumi’s irises from their shortened distance. 

 

“Can I—” Matsukawa tries, but his throat is too dry and the words are like flies in a web. 

 

But at those two words, Iwaizumi lights up and Matsukawa feels more confident. He tries again.

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

A soft smile develops on Iwaizumi’s face and he leans in. Matsukawa meets him in the middle. 

 

Fireworks don’t flash against his eyelids, but Matsukawa feels soft greens and blues flow through his limbs and Matsukawa thinks that this is what he’s looking for.

 

Iwaizumi’s kisses are slow and sweet, just like the hot chocolate he tastes of. His thumbs rub gentle circles on Matsukawa’s jaw and small puffs of breath ghost on Matsukawa’s nose.

 

For all that Matsukawa has daydreamed, he’s unprepared. Sure, he has imagined gentle kisses such as these, but his hands are too clumsy and they grip Iwaizumi’s shirt too hard. His lips are moving too awkwardly against Iwaizumi’s more practiced ones and his shoulders are too tense.

 

Iwaizumi doesn’t seem to mind any of these flaws.

 

_Click_ goes the lock.

 

“Issei—? Oh,” comes a haunting voice. 

 

Iwaizumi and Matsukawa would’ve jumped apart if it wasn’t for Iwaizumi in Matsukawa’s lap. 

 

Hanamaki stares at them from the opened front door, the Matsukawa family’s spare key still pinched between his finger and thumb. A bag of warm food hangs from his other arm. His mouth has fallen open and he’s staring at them with an unbearable expression.

 

It’s so _raw_ and Matsukawa’s blood drains from his face at the emotions that disappear as fast as they show up. 

 

Shock. Horror. Fear.

 

Betrayal.

 

The worst of them all.

 

Matsukawa panics at the betrayal exposed on Hanamaki’s face and he immediately tries to get up. He forgets that Iwaizumi was sitting on him and Iwaizumi slides off with a squeak and scrabbles at the couch’s backrest.

 

Hanamaki’s eyes dart to the flailing movements and understanding of the position they were in sets his mouth in a tight line.

 

_He saw._

 

“Taka—”

 

“No,” Hanamaki cuts off abruptly.

 

“Guys? What’s happening?”

 

All heads turn to Oikawa standing on the last step of the stairs.

 

Hanamaki sweeps his gaze over Oikawa, seeing Matsukawa’s baggy sweater and shorts on him. 

 

Oikawa must’ve realized what Hanamaki’s thinking because he reaches out for Hanamaki. 

 

“No! Makki! It’s nothing like that! We’re- we’re not—”

 

Hanamaki runs out the door before Oikawa could finish his sentence. 


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 6: kissing in the rain for everyone to see // kissing in secret // arcade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the long wait!!!
> 
> i feel proud for getting this out haha and sorry about the last cliffhanger :P
> 
> enjoy! (this is like 4.2k words)

Matsukawa remembers the first time he experienced full-blown shock.

 

He was just six, just learning how to ride a bike.

 

“You’re doing it!” his mother had called before his hand made a jerky motion and he tumbled off the bike.

 

The sudden blow of the bike falling onto him had the breath knocked out of his small body and he could only lie there and stare at each of the small pieces of fractured stones that made up the concrete.

 

Matsukawa can’t help but think that what he’s feeling right now is strangely familiar. He stares blankly at the crossing stitches of the couch’s fabric and he hollowly hears Oikawa desperately calling Hanamaki just the way his mother had shouted his name worriedly all those years ago.

 

“Makki? Makki! Makki, come back!” Oikawa shouts from the open doorway, but he doesn’t go after him.

 

Matsukawa feels the couch lurch as the pressure on it is disturbed and he dimly notices Iwaizumi rushing past Oikawa, causing Oikawa to change his words.

 

“Iwa-chan! Iwa-chan, wait!”

 

Matsukawa doesn’t really know which direction Iwaizumi goes and if Oikawa chases after Iwaizumi or not.

 

_Overlapping light pink and dark red threads make a nice pattern for roses,_ he thinks sluggishly.

 

Light footsteps step closer to him and when Matsukawa turns his head towards the sound, his neck gets stuck with odd ticks, as if he was a robot with creaky joints.

 

Maybe he _is_ a robot. After all, he doesn’t really feel anything anymore.

 

_Shock is a drug_ , Matsukawa thinks and it’s all that goes through his mind.

 

No emotions, no feelings, just words and facts and too much of the truth clogging up his brain.

 

Is he supposed to feel something? Matsukawa thinks so, but again, he’s only thinking.

 

“Mattsun,” a soft voice comes from outside his head and Matsukawa finds Oikawa leaning over him from behind the back of the couch, too many emotions and too less logic on his face.

 

There’s something sad about Oikawa’s features; he’s trying to smile, but Matsukawa can see the shock and disbelief under that false mask.

 

Oikawa places a hand on Matsukawa’s shoulder and squeezes reassuringly.

 

It’s just a simple touch, a loving one he could also say, yet the harsh plunge as he’s thrown back into reality is nothing but a traitorous act.

 

Ignorance is bliss and to know is to suffer.

 

Oikawa notices the tears before he does.

 

“Mattsun!” he gasps and then he’s scrambling over the back of the couch, hands nervously pulling Matsukawa closer until he’s tucked into the crook of Oikawa’s neck.

 

Matsukawa just sobs harder.

 

Frustration and guilt are piling up too fast at his feet for him to control.

 

Oikawa murmurs soft words and rubs slow circles, trying to get him to calm down.

 

But all that goes in Matsukawa’s mind is the press of Iwaizumi’s mouth and the unshed tears in Hanamaki’s eyes and Oikawa’s— oh God, Oikawa doesn’t know that he kissed Iwaizumi.

 

And suddenly the entire world pinpoints on Oikawa’s touches that are now searing needles down his back and Oikawa’s too innocent voice speaking things it doesn’t know.

 

Matsukawa starts to struggle in Oikawa’s hold. Oikawa startles at Matsukawa’ssudden movements but tightens his grip on him anyway.

 

“It’s going to be okay, Mattsun, it’s going to be okay,” Oikawa keeps repeating.

 

Guilt eats a burning black hole in Matsukawa’s heart and Oikawa’s voice is the chain around Matsukawa’s throat as he struggles to get the words out.

 

“I-I-I kissed- I kissed,” he blubbers, “I kissed Hajime.”

 

“It’s okay,” Oikawa continues to murmur and for a second, Matsukawa thinks that Oikawa didn’t hear him and that he didn’t say the forbidden words. That he was only hearing the confession of his crimes looping around on a broken track in his mind.

 

“It’s okay,” Oikawa repeats, “we—”

 

A happy trill interrupts Oikawa’s sentence, chiming notes that Matsukawa recognizes as Oikawa’s ringtone for Iwaizumi.

 

Oikawa frowns at the ringing. Matsukawa can see him struggling between picking up the phone and letting go of Matsukawa or continuing to comfort Matsukawa and hope that the call wouldn’t be important.

 

Matsukawa watches all these thoughts fly pass Oikawa’s face and he pushes himself off of Oikawa, mindful of not pressing on him.

 

“Just get it,” Matsukawa tries to say reassuringly, but his voice cracks from the crying and he sounds too weary and tired to sound anything positive. Oikawa shoots him a worried expression but does what he’s told anyway.

 

“Hajime?” Oikawa asks and there’s low murmuring on the other side.

 

Matsukawa doesn’t miss the look Oikawa has when he glances at Matsukawa’s direction, a skeptical one before he moves away and into the kitchen. Matsukawa’s throat tightens. What’s going on?

 

Low murmurs continue to come from the kitchen, Oikawa’s hush nervous voice pitching up and down. Matsukawa catches snippets of “Makki” and “What do you mean he’s not there?” and his anxiety spikes.

 

Hanamaki’s not at home? Then where could he be? Matsukawa starts to panic and without realizing it, he’s already getting up and starting to make his way towards the door like a magnet.

 

“Wait,” a voice calls him, but Matsukawa keeps moving on. “Wait!”

 

Matsukawa blinks and the hand grabbing onto his sweater’s sleeve tugs him again.

 

“Wait,” Oikawa repeats, but this time, his voice cracks. “Wait,” Oikawa tries again, but it’s futile; Matsukawa can already see the unshed tears glimmering in Oikawa’s eyes. “Please let me help.”

 

Matsukawa stops, the unhesitating rush of guilt freezing him in place.

 

“Please,” Oikawa continues, his voice breaking as he struggles to get the words out, “p-please let me help.”

 

The tears in Oikawa’s eyes are beginning to flow and Oikawa makes small whimpers as they drive a straight line down his cheeks. He doesn’t bother to wipe them away.

 

Matsukawa’s throat clenches as he understands the feelings Oikawa are harbouring. Hopelessness and isolation. Everybody is running away from him. And it’s all Matsukawa’s fault. He’s the one who kissed Iwaizumi, the one who made Hanamaki run, the one who forced Iwaizumi to chase after Hanamaki and now Oikawa, who not a minute ago, was just watching Matsukawa’s back slip farther away from him.

 

“Oh, God, Tooru, I’m so sorry,” Matsukawa whispers, soul not strong enough to speak any louder. He brushes Oikawa’s tears away with his free hand, his thumb caressing Oikawa’s skin before dropping off and resting on Oikawa’s nape to pull him into a hug.

 

Oikawa continues to cry, his time to let out his frustrations, tears seeping into Matsukawa’s sweater. Matsukawa just holds him, mimicking the motions Oikawa did to him earlier.

 

They stay like that for some time. Seconds? Minutes? Time stretches out and the world slows down. The whole world belongs in a small kitchen with two boys holding onto each other for the sake of not falling apart. Small sounds could be heard, but they are hushed by gentler ones.

 

Finally, Oikawa lifts his head from Matsukawa’s shoulder, wiping his tears and rubbing his eyes.

 

“Okay,” he says quietly.

 

“Okay,” Matsukawa repeats back.

 

They don’t know what they’re agreeing on, but they still find comfort in the small word.

 

Matsukawa moves to pass Oikawa’s shoes to him and opens the door. As he’s doing so, Oikawa presses close to him and Matsukawa gives a small smile. Together, they walk out of the doorway with their hands linked and hearts unsure but steady.

 

*******

 

The rain has stopped but the summer air is still humid and sticky.

 

Even though he isn’t there, they decide to go to Hanamaki’s house anyway. According to the few texts to Iwaizumi, he is still near the Hanamaki residence, unsure where Hanamaki could be.

 

Oikawa and Matsukawa dodge small ponds and skip across puddles, their fingers always interlaced, always connected.

 

There’s a nagging thought at the back of Matsukawa’s mind, that maybe he shouldn’t be holding Oikawa’s hand, but the desperate part of his mind argues that since he had already kissed Iwaizumi, it should be okay. He immediately scolds himself for thinking such thoughts, that just because he kissed Iwaizumi doesn’t mean he could hold Oikawa’s hand.

 

As they start to get nearer and nearer to Hanamaki’s house, the more urgency Matsukawa can feel about letting go of Oikawa’s hand.

 

Finally, the grey shingles of Hanamaki’s roof come into view and quickly, to not lose his courage, Matsukawa drops Oikawa’s hand.

 

Only for Oikawa to immediately snatch his hand back and tighten his grip.

 

“It’s okay,” Oikawa repeats for the nth time of the day. He turns to look at Matsukawa directly in the eye, stopping them on the side of the road. “I know I keep saying this, but really, it’s okay. We—” Oikawa pauses, unsure on how to go on. “We-we want you to be part of our relationship,” he says in one breath.

 

Matsukawa, on the other hand, feels as if a rug has been pulled from under his feet and he struggles to catch his breath.

 

“What?” he croaks.

 

“We want you to be part of our relationship,” Oikawa says more firmly this time, although there’s still the same amount of nervousness in his voice. “No,” he amends, “we want you and _Takahiro_ to be part of our relationship.”

 

Matsukawa feels as if his entire world has been flipped upside down. Oikawa and Iwaizumi wanted… a relationship? With him? And Hanamaki?

 

A part of Matsukawa feels elated but the cynical side of him thinks, “Is this a joke?”

 

Matsukawa doesn’t realize that he had said the words out loud until he looks at Oikawa’s face, clear disappointment and belief flashing neon lights.

 

“N-no! Tooru! That’s not what I meant!”

 

“Then what do you mean?” Oikawa tries to get out, hurt clear in his voice. “We really do. We really do want to date you and Makki.”

 

Matsukawa swallows. He’s sweating under the pressure and his palms are getting clammy. It’s now or never.

 

“I… I just couldn’t believe it,” he tries to explain. “I like you guys. All three of you. But… when I found out that you and Hajime were dating, I thought that there was no chance. And… Takahiro… he loves you guys the way I do.” Matsukawa’s fists tighten. “But he doesn’t like me,” he whispers.

 

Matsukawa keeps his head down, afraid of what he might see. The edges of his eyes prickle, but no tears come. He swipes at his eyes to relieve the itch. His heart is heavy. He has no idea how Oikawa might respond, but he’s afraid that—

 

“Mattsun,” Oikawa starts, but he trails off, unsure how to continue. “I’m sorry,” he finally says, “we still do want to be with you and Makki and… and if Makki doesn’t like you, we’ll make it work. We _can_ make it work.”

 

Matsukawa wants to believe him, that in the end, everything would turn out to be okay and they could all be happy together, but it’s more of a dream than reality.

 

“Okay,” he says, his voice a little hoarse, even though he knows that even if they make it work, there would still be a hole that only Hanamaki can fill.

 

Oikawa reaches for Matsukawa’s hand again. “Let’s find Iwa-chan,” he says with an encouraging smile.

 

Matsukawa tries to give his own hopeful smile, but he doesn’t think that it reaches his eyes. He accepts Oikawa’s hand anyway.

 

*******

 

Iwaizumi pushes off the wall he was leaning on when he sees them. His face is a mix of emotions churning into one. Shock, confusion, then hope when he sees their joined hands.

 

Oikawa gives a tiny nod and Matsukawa gives a small smile as well.

 

Iwaizumi grins until he remembers why they’re here and then his smile slips off.

 

“Any ideas where Hanamaki is?” he asks when they get closer.

 

Matsukawa gulps. “Maybe _I_ should call him.”

 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa nod in agreement and Matsukawa fishes out his phone. His fingers tremble as they find Hanamaki’s contact and when he holds the phone up to his ear, he holds his breath.

 

It seems like it’s taking forever when the phone goes through a series of beeps to dial through and when Matsukawa hears the dial tone, his heart lurches up to his throat.

 

_Riinggg!_

 

_Click._

 

Matsukawa stares at his phone in disbelief. The faint echo of the operator beeping disappointingly resonates from inside, sympathizing with him.

 

“He… he hung up,” he says hollowly.

 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi trade glances, then they look at Matsukawa.

 

“He did that to me too…” Iwaizumi says quietly.

 

“Maybe text him?” Oikawa suggests and Iwaizumi starts to say “I already tried that too” but Matsukawa’s already going ahead with the suggestion.

 

Matsukawa rereads the message he had typed out, the four words, sounding painfully pathetic, but he sends it anyway.

 

**(2:13) Mr. Caterpillar Eyebrows:** please, where are you

 

Matsukawa doesn’t expect a reply back or any sign of life so when the little speech bubble with the bouncing ellipsis pops up, he sucks in a sharp breath.

 

The bubble continues to bounce cheerfully and with each pounding second, he feels his heart squeezing tighter and tighter. He chews his lips and clenches his fingers around his phone harder.

 

_Please, please, please, please, please,_ he pleads.

 

All of a sudden, the bubble and ellipsis disappear. Matsukawa feels rejected.

 

The buzz of his phone signifying a new message immediately makes him jump.

 

**(2:14) Pink Eyebrows:** where i fell in love with you

 

Matsukawa’s breath quickens and he feels as if he’s been punched in the gut.

 

“Mattsun?” Oikawa asks. “Was that him? What did he say?”

 

Matsukawa doesn’t think he can speak right now. He feels sick. There should’ve been some sort of elated emotion. After all, this is what he’s been wanting the whole time, right? So why can he only feel guilt, dread, and the need to throw up?

 

“Matsukawa?” Iwaizumi prompts, worry bleeding into his voice. “Is there something wrong?”

 

Matsukawa can’t say anything. Instead, he wordlessly hands the phone to Oikawa, his fingers trembling slightly, who is nearest to him and let them read the message for themselves.

 

The air is silent. Matsukawa can see Iwaizumi and Oikawa poring over the message. None of them says a word and the chirping of the insects in the background is the only thing that is holding back the impermeable silence.

 

“What does this mean?” Iwaizumi breaks the silence.

 

Matsukawa’s about to that he doesn’t know, but before he could, Oikawa interjects.

 

“It means what it means, Iwa-chan. He’s in love with Mattsun, duh.”

 

Iwaizumi frowns at Oikawa’s tone, but continues, “What does he mean? Where could he be?”

 

“I don’t know, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa says exasperatedly, throwing up his hands, “there isn’t really a place specifically for falling in love!”

 

Iwaizumi narrows his eyes at Oikawa. “That’s not helpful, Oikawa.” he snaps.

 

“Well, then. What do _you_ suggest?”

 

“I don’t know!” Iwaizumi shouts. “The bakery! The library! School! Any of them would work better than what you said.”

 

“Why would he even be at school?” Oikawa explodes, “It’s the summer break!”

 

Matsukawa watches in horror as his friends start to yell at each other, none of their playful banter from before, but now a real argument.

 

“ _You_ were the one who wanted to confess so late!” Oikawa screams at Iwaizumi. He gestures towards themselves. “And look at it now! We’re in a mess, we can’t find Takahiro and we don’t even know if he wants to be with us!”

 

“ _Me_?” Iwaizumi argues back. “You’re the one who said, ‘Oh, Iwa-chan! We should make a move on Makki and Mattsun to see if they like us!’” he says in a poor imitation of Oikawa’s voice.

 

“What!” Oikawa exclaims, flabbergast. “I never said that! I only said that we should drop hints! Not straight up climb into Issei’s lap and kiss him!”

 

Matsukawa blushes at the thought of the kiss, but his eyes widen in horror as their shouting gets louder and louder.

 

“Stop!” he jumps in, “Stop fighting!”

 

Oikawa doesn’t take his eyes off Iwaizumi, crossing his arms. “Maybe we should split up to look for Takahiro,” he says tightly.

 

“Good idea,” Iwaizumi grits back, his stance similar to Oikawa’s.

 

Matsukawa feels like he should speak up but before he could, Oikawa and Iwaizumi stop their glaring, give an identical huff and storm off in different directions.

 

“Guys…” he tries, but trails off, unsure of what to say next.

 

Both Oikawa and Iwaizumi stop, both turning around to look at Matsukawa. They avoid eye contact with each other.

 

They both open their mouths at the same time.

 

“We’ll tell you when we find him,” Iwaizumi says gently to Matsukawa first.

 

Oikawa’s jaw is in a tight line when Iwaizumi beats him to the punch. Nevertheless, he straightens himself up. “We’ll notify you,” he says shortly.

 

Matsukawa doesn’t say anything and they take his silence as an affirmation. Matsukawa knows that he should say something, but his throat is too tight and he knows that he can’t find the words to make it better.

 

Helpless.

 

*******

 

Matsukawa takes a different route. He has no idea where he’s going. He runs anyway.

 

_Where I fell in love with you._

 

The words keep resonating in his head, a persistent itch he can’t scratch or get rid of.

 

_Where I fell in love with you._

 

What does that mean? Matsukawa can’t fathom the idea of Hanamaki actually liking him to be able to think of _where_ he might fall in love with him.

 

_Where I fell in love with you._

 

He growls low in his throat. _Think, think, think,_ he urges himself. Where could he possibly be? Where have they hung out at? Where is it that it’s magical enough for a miracle to happen?

 

It starts to rain again. As it picks up, a sick sense of déjà vu flashes through Matsukawa’s body. The irony of how last time he was running away from Hanamaki to now, when he is trying to find Hanamaki forces a dry laugh out of him.

 

His heart hammering away in his chest, Matsukawa finally lets himself stop under a tree, it’s thick foliage protecting most of him from the rain, but a few heavy drops get through anyway. His skin is getting sticky and he struggles to catch his breath.

 

He hopes that the other three have found shelter.

 

He’s at a small neighbourhood park, nothing more than a swing set, a few bars and a seesaw. He knows this small playground; his younger cousins had played here often. Trees surround the small area, giving it an aura of quietness.

 

Matsukawa peers around the tree, taking note of the shabby state the playground is, a product of years of use.

 

There’s no one here, except for him and— Matsukawa’s heart stutters.

 

Right there, on one of the swings is Hanamaki.

 

He’s carelessly swinging his legs, face staring aimlessly at the ground, his face void of any emotion.

 

Hanamaki’s name tumbles off his lips without his permission.

 

“Takahiro…”

 

Hanamaki looks up and frowns, turning his head side to side to find the source of the sound. He finally spots Matsukawa behind the tree, alarm washing over his face like a bucket of ice water, and he immediately stands up.

 

Matsukawa was caught in the spiderweb of Hanamaki’s gaze, but now that Hanamaki’s showing every intention of leaving, he's startled into action.

 

“Wait!” he calls, hoping that Hanamaki would heed his word. His voice sounds too urgent, too pathetic, too _broken._

 

Hanamaki stops, but he doesn’t turn around. Instead, he clenches his fists by his sides and Matsukawa hurriedly runs to him, afraid that he might change his mind.

 

It’s strange how Matsukawa can still feel the rain on his skin like shivering kisses. He would’ve expected himself to completely focus on Hanamaki and the way he’s trying not to move, but instead, he’s met with a rush of senses that makes his skin tingle.

 

When he finally faces Hanamaki, he takes a deep breath to calm his nerves.

 

Hanamaki doesn’t look up when Matsukawa’s shoes come into his view and he only continues to stare at his toes clenched in his too small sandal. There are splotches of dark spots on the shoulders of Hanamaki’s light grey t-shirt and his hair is matted against his forehead. The rain continues to fall, worsening his appearance.

 

“Taka…” Matsukawa starts, but Hanamaki flinches at the start of his name. “Hanamaki,” Matsukawa amends.

 

Hanamaki continues to stare at his feet. Matsukawa knows that he’s listening, but it still stings to not have Hanamaki look him in the eye and trust him.

 

“Hanamaki, I’m sorry.”

 

The word “sorry” seems to snap Hanamaki out of his uninterested state.

 

“Sorry,” Hanamaki says slowly, the word thick around his tongue, “for what?”

 

“I… I- um, I’m sorry for making you think that I didn’t—”

 

“You know,” Hanamaki cuts in, “this is where I fell in love with you.”

 

Matsukawa’s breath gets stuck in his throat.

 

“This is where I fell in love with you,” Hanamaki repeats, “but not just with you. W-with Hajime and Tooru too.

 

“I fell in love with all of you and I don’t know what it is that I’m doing wrong, but…” Hanamaki takes several shuddering breaths before continuing. “Why don’t you love me too as much you do to them?”

 

“Takahiro—”

 

“No, stop, I’m not done yet.” Hanamaki still refuses to look at Matsukawa. “I’m in love with all of you and clearly, they love you too. So… so when I saw you k-kissing Hajime, I knew that I didn’t have a chance anymore. A-and then, Tooru was wearing your clothes and I-I just…”

 

Hanamaki’s crying right now, the tears making his cheeks blotchy and Matsukawa wants nothing more than to wipe them away and whisper comforting words.

 

Hanamaki sniffs, wiping his nose with his arm.

 

“I just want to get this out before everything changes and… and I love you, Matsukawa Issei. I really do and I hope that Tooru, Hajime and… you will be happy together.” 

 

“Hanamaki,” Matsukawa pleads, but Hanamaki doesn’t look at him. He doesn’t say another word either, the fire in him dwindled to nothing after the last word.

 

“Takahiro,” Matsukawa tries again and this time, Hanamaki lifts his head. Matsukawa tries to say that no, he does love him, they _all_ love him, so why don’t the words come out?

 

Seconds tick by and Matsukawa still can’t confess. He starts to panic because _this_ was finally it. _This_ is his chance.

 

_And I’m losing it_ , his panic induced mind says.

 

“Matsukawa,” Hanamaki grits out, fists tight at his sides. “If you’re going to reject, just do it.”

 

_Losing it._

 

Hanamaki scans his face and finds the answer he fears. “Okay,” comes the quietest whisper. He turns around and starts to leave.

 

“Wait,” Matsukawa croaks out. “Wait!”

 

Hanamaki stops and turns around. There’s a glimmer of hope in his eyes now, but at the same time, there’s a stronger intense look of fear too.

 

“Takahiro,” Matsukawa digs his nails into his palms, it’s now or never. “We do love you. And not just as friends,” he says hurriedly in case Hanamaki gets the wrong idea. “We like you. All of us. Hajime… Oikawa… and me.”

 

Matsukawa looks at Hanamaki in the eye.

 

“I love you and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. You make me happy and the three of us won’t be happy if you’re not there. So please, don’t think that we don’t love you because we do and I will never reject you.”

 

Matsukawa cringes internally at how awkward he sounds, but Hanamaki’s bottom lip is already quivering and before Matsukawa can prepare himself, Hanamaki’s throwing himself at Matsukawa.

 

Matsukawa doesn’t care. He embraces Hanamaki just as he always has and always will.

 

“I’m sorry we made you think that way,” he whispers into Hanamaki’s hair and Hanamaki nods, unable to speak from the tears of relief overwhelming him.

 

They stand together under the rain for a little while until Hanamaki peels himself off of Matsukawa and wipes at his reddened face.

 

“Let’s find Hajime and Tooru,” Hanamaki says a bit hoarsely.

 

Matsukawa nods and swallows the tears at the back of his throat.

 

They’re about to leave when Oikawa and Iwaizumi, holding hands, come around the corner and catches sight of them.

 

“Takahiro,” they breathe at the same time. And then they’re running over and enveloping Matsukawa and Hanamaki into a hug.

 

Hanamaki lets out a choked noise then they squeeze him too tight but he’s not complaining. Matsukawa simply buries himself in their warmth, the immense pressure on his heart finally lifted.

 

“We have something to tell you,” Oikawa says when he pulls back from the hug, looking at Hanamaki straight in the eye.

 

“We want to date you,” Iwaizumi continues, “and not just you. You and Issei.”

 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi hold their breath and bite their lips as they await Hanamaki’s response.

 

Hanamaki smiles. “Of course.”

 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi blink at him before breaking into wide smiles.

 

“Well,” Oikawa jokes, now that he can only feel relief, “I can’t believe that worked.”

 

“Or that easy,” Iwaizumi laughs along.

 

Matsukawa snorts. “If it was that easy, I would’ve asked you guys out a long time ago.”

 

Hanamaki, Oikawa and Iwaizumi all laugh, a rich mix of voices that are joyous and carefree. Matsukawa laughs along too, the freest one he has felt for weeks.

 

The rain continues to fall harder, but this time, it feels more like a fresh beginning.

 

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there's another matsuhanaiwaoi week coming up and im wondering if you guys would be interested in reading another matsuhanaiwaoi fic that's like this as in 7 prompts put together into one fic that's in the same universe as this fic like a continuation? yes? no? maybe so?

**Author's Note:**

> yell with me about matsuhanaiwaoi on [ tumblr ](https://queerbatnana.tumblr.com/) !


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